Alpine Paths

TR was telling me how impressed he was with Gill and her work and travel project. I didn't know she initiated the WAT programme at her dad's company from scratch when she discovered that the WAT schemes provided by other companies were too expensive for her to sign up. Yet I was not exactly very surprised cos I guess I've high expectations of Gill and her resourcefulness.

I realised that I'm surrounded by ambitious and entrepreneurial friends. Gill for one. QF who turned her father's provision shop into a lucrative tuition centre. Cui with her Ivy League education, UN internships and attractive job offers. TR with his challenging yet concrete career plans though his LSE clouds his judgment of his own capabilities.

Arrgh. Everybody is climbing their Alpine paths (Emily of New Moon) yet I'm not sure I've even found mine! I have no lofty ambitions (unless having a Martha Stewart-ish house and being a "four seasons girl" as Gill puts it count as ambitions) and even as I'm writing this, I don't feel extremely worried or anxious about my slackness. Maybe it's cos my career is more or less settled for the next 1 year at least.

I do get distressed at moments over my apparent lack of drive. For isn't having no expectations for the future similar to how Beth in Little Women felt because she knew instinctively she will not live long? No, I don't think I'm going to die anytime soon. The problem is that I'm not motivated enough to do anything about my sky-high expectations.